Stay centered and just flow...

PROGRESS!!!

This morning's class was excellent. New teacher and a different approach to the style. I wasn't dying at the end of the warmup as I have been in the past classes. I even attempted the third sequence, which is a first for me... normally i've stayed in child's pose. I also am not as exhausted... which also could be attributed to the fact that I got around 13 hours of sleep last night.

Excited for class tomorrow night, since its the same teacher, but then I have 4-5 days straight of the teacher who kicks my ass... whom i lovingly call "Chuck" now. My option is to take a 5:30am class Thursday, which may just be what I need to break up Chuck's intensity. But its at 5:30am, which is just gross. I will be going for a run after work tomorrow before class; i'm excited to see if/how my running has improved after this week of intense yoga!

You are one of the lights...

“There are darknesses in life and there are lights, and you are one of the lights, the light of all lights.” -Bram Stoker

We all have our weak moments... the times when doubt and despair, hurt and jealousy rage and our days seem darkest. I struggle with my dark side, usually when I am alone and am still enough to allow doubt into my mind. Everything from work to my love life... I allow my insecurities to form a cloud in my head and over my heart.

But then something happens... take today's yoga class as an example. I woke up sore and exhausted and didn't feel like going to class. It took 30 minutes to convince myself to just go. It was difficult. I struggled... again & had to rest during a whole sequence again, but I made it through class. I try not to be self conscious during class, to just focus on myself & my practice, but its difficult when every other person is a tiny-size 4-20yo-super-flexible-thing. There was one woman in her late 40s (but still qualified as tiny-size 4-super-flexible) and after class, she came up to me and said, "you were amazing. you're such an inspiration. you kept me going in class today." It made me feel uncomfortable for a bit, but then I realized... that is one reason I am making my journey public, is it not? If I can touch one person and he/she makes a positive change in his/her life, no matter how tiny, every sore muscle is worth it.

I have to remember that I am one of the lights... the positive energy that flows through me can affect others.

Have you ever been roundhouse kicked to the face?

Neither have I, but I bet it feels similar to how I felt during my yoga class tonight.

I started hot yoga last November in Wichita and fell in love. The poses, the heat, the feeling of peace that settled on me during shavasana, the strength I gained and the sense of accomplishment when I progressed further in a pose... everything combined and I felt centered.

At one point, I was attending 4-5 times a week. It was awesome. I dropped around 30lbs, but more than the literal weight I was losing... I lost the weight of the world. Any trial, frustration, my anger, my failures could be brought to my mat and offered up. My happiness, joy, successes... those were offered up to, in thanks and appreciation for life. My mat is the place where no judgements are made... I just breathe and exist.

With travel for work and then my move, I haven't gone to a class in about 4 months. I have missed it horribly. I have done some asanas at home, but I don't get the full effect from home practice as I do from a hot class. I love taking classes and was bummed to find that Columbia didn't have a hot studio, or at least a studio that offered the occasional hot class. I did find that a hot studio was to open in October... today in fact... and was excited to attend my first class tonight.

Let me tell you... good gravy.

Its been 4 months since I've had a 60+ minute yoga class, hot or not. I am, as my blog title would attest, the fat hot yoga chick. I'm making progress, but am still a big girl. I usually hold my own in class. Some days are better than others, but I'm good. Tonight was difficult. The issue tonight was heat + speed. This class just didn't stop. It was like a hot-power-flow and I was struggling. The first sequence we did to a Nicki Minaj song and I thought I would die. This style is completely different than what I'm used to. I'm used to mellow music by Bob Marley & Jack Johnson, while we hold each pose for 7 breaths. This was not that style of yoga. I had to stay in child's pose during the third sequence because I was so dizzy.

I will adapt. I will get better. But butter my biscuit on the other side, its going to take a bit. I'm glad I have 2 weeks unlimited. I have classes scheduled every day, save Saturday and I'm going to need them. Friday morning I am buying a new scale and getting a starting point. I want to see where 2 weeks of this class takes me... cause its intense.

It is possible.

"The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours." -Ayn Rand

Ever look in the mirror and wonder who is staring back at you? This person you don't quite recognize anymore? You see glimmers of who you think you are... hidden by pride, ego, and the walls you put up to protect yourself from rejection and pain. I took a good, hard look in the mirror yesterday. I examined all the sides of me: the silly, the serious, the vulnerable, the short-temper, the forgiving, the confident, the insecure, the hard-ass, the mother hen. All parts that when combined make the face you see every day. I am all these and more.

We all wish to make changes in our life. I have been trying to for over a year. I was doing ok... I started taking yoga and running a bit more and lost 30lbs. But, I was given an amazing opportunity to do so 2 months ago when I was promoted and moved to a new city. Here it was: new city, new job, new life. All I did was slip back in to old habits. I sit here surrounded by boxes... unorganized and cluttered. Do I take the time to try and find some balance? Nope, too tired/busy/sick... fill in your preferred excuse. I was excited to start eating better and working out more. Did I? No. I will be honest that the demands of my new position did take me by surprise and I have been doing my best to stay afloat.

But 2 months is enough time. I have found my professional footing... and now need to focus on me.

I have many goals set for myself.
My biggest one is to run the Auckland Marathon in New Zealand in October 2013. I am running to raise money for Multiple Sclerosis and my goal is to raise $15,000. I have 12 months & 3 days. It is more than possible. Every time I think I'm too tired to run, I just have to remember my close friends who have MS... those who are too exhausted sometimes to even do the simplest daily tasks, the ones I take for granted... and shut my mouth, lace up my trainers and just go.

Another goal is to get back into my yoga practice. I have let it drop off these past 5 months and I miss it horribly. I am at peace when I practice. I am a better person when I practice. During my trip to New Zealand, my biggest Yoga goal is to hike to the top of Mitre Peak
and do this pose:

 Its time for me to quit making excuses, take charge and win the life and world I want.